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Originally Posted by LovelaceF To me, feelings are my connection to life. I would not be able to experience the great beauty, love, joy, and wonder that I've seen without them. Yes, there are dark times too, and those are equally meaningful, though I prefer not to re-experience the great pains that I have encountered on my journey so far. I think the drones are wrong.

The drones ARE wrong... emotions ARE good! I do not think highly of the drones. They are strong though and going against them is like banging your head against a brick wall. I found a chink in the mortar of their brick wall and I am going at it with a sledge hammer. They did not like me or appreciate my honesty before, wait until they hear everything in court. I have them where I want them now. Though they are showing their displeasure I am more in control now than they ever expected me to be. I hope that I can stay strong enough to get through Monday. I am terrified. What if things do not go the way they look as they will go? I cannot survive like this. My therapist is double teaming with a second therapist to help me through and for this I am most greatful. No medications as I am incredibly resistant to them (my body). My therapist also seems to have taken away all of the other diagnosis and changed it to only one...PTSD. She asked (my therapist)me if I had ever suffered any trauma...I laughed at her and said "one might say yes" She also asked about my family which on paper I had left blank.She asked if I have ever spoken about the family with anyone and I told her no. She stated quite plainly that "we will!" She is a b***h but I like her, I think she may be right. I think past trauma may be where my anger comes from to this day. She is going to ask if I have eaten, rather when the last time that I ate was and when I tell her that I ate last Sunday, and then not much she won't be happy. Besides, I ate a lot this week, I had a small bowl of cereal and milk, about 1/3 of a small baked potato and I try to have some milk each day She told me that she is obligated to hospitalize me if I become suicidal or a danger to myself or others. I do not know what I can do about this, I do not have time for a hospital stay and will only become very angry if she calls for it.