Adam,
I believe the same thing is true about me-that my feelings of unworthiness in anything that is good, stems from both my low self-esteem, as well as the guilt I harbor.
You're right about most people not knowing what it's like to not want to wake up each day. I had someone tell me before that they have little tolerance for people who don't appreciate life. I know that they were referring to me, and I guess this statement was supposed to make me be grateful I'm alive. But, while I do appreciate life and think that it is a blessing for so many people, I cannot just stop feeling like I don't deserve to live, or like I hate myself and the way I have to live. I can respect another person's positive outlook on life, as I too used to enjoy waking up everyday. I used to get excited about what the new day would bring. Now, I dread it, but that doesn't mean that I don't value life.
I wish more people could understand what it's like to be depressed, or at least refrain from judging those who are suffering from mental illnesses such as depression.
Thanks for your response.
Quote:
Originally Posted by adam_k
I can releate to how you feel. I often feel like I am an awful person who doesn't deserve to be happy. I feel like I deserve to have bad things happen to me. Part of this is from my low self esteem and the other part of it is from inappropriate guilt from depression.
I want to believe neither one of us are awful people. We should be able to be happy and enjoy life, but we are stuck feeling miserable. I wish I new how to help you and myself. People that haven't ever had depression have a hard time releating. My family made me feel bad for having it and told me it was all in my head. I don't think that is the case, not completely anyway. I think the way I think and cope has some to do with it, but I think there is also a physical component to it as well. Most normal people don't know what it is like to wake up and wish you hadn't. To begrudgingly try to make it through the day without losing it. Don't let those people get to you. They just lack understanding and sympathy for you. I hope things get better for you.
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