Smmrnapier,
I am so sorry for the grief you feel. I have been in a similar relationship and can't imagine what it would feel like to lose him. I wish there was something I could say that would help you through this pain. It is good to continue with your therapist. Do you have anyone to call if you feel unsafe or feel like harming yourself? You have support here from so many people. You are not alone. Hugs to you. You have made a huge step by joining a community for support. Don't give up. It will get better. I am so sorry for your loss.