Quote:
Originally Posted by heyitsme7
when somebody disagrees with me, I just want to shut them up. like i don't even want to have a conversation with them because only those who agree with me can keep the conversation going. i feel like i have my views and so do others. but i want to be respectful to people yet it's hard sometimes because i wish people can just conform to my views, which i know, is probably not going to happen and i understand. but when i want to have a conversation where people and I can disagree without having to cut off communication, i can't seem to do it. i like to have it my way.
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This is very good to know about yourself. You have a really good insight here.
Keeping it simple, for the point of example, if we only agreed 100% of the time, it would get pretty dull:
You: I like football.
Me: I like football, too.
Me: I think swimming is good exercise.
You: I think swimming is good exercise too.
You: I think people should always agree.
Me: I think people should always agree too.
Disagreeing isn't a judgment, although it can feel like that if that is how we think. Disagreeing is about separateness, about each person being unique and having a unique set of experiences that form their perceptions, thoughts, desires, expectations. There is so much to learn, and like you said, being respectful (and interested) is key:
Me: I like football.
You: I do, but I like basketball better. It's more active and fun to watch.
Me: You're right, it is more active. I haven't watched in awhile. I will have to watch again and see what I think.
You: I think swimming is good exercise.
Me: I like to swim, but I like being outdoors, so I like to walk for exercise. I get to see nature when I'm in the park and that feels good to me.
You: Gosh, I haven't taken a walk in a park in a long time. That's a good idea!
Me: I think people should always agree, or they shouldn't talk when they don't agree.
You: It is nice to have other people agree with me. It feels good. My viewpoint or my feelings feel more real, because they are validated by someone agreeing with me. It's fun to share a conversation with someone who shares my interests and views. But when it goes well, it's also fun to have opposing views and learn about the other person's view and why they think 'that' - often there is a common ground we come to when we talk about it.
Me: So, are you agreeing, or disagreeing with me, I can't tell.
We can learn that it's okay to disagree, we can also learn to state that openly that we don't want to discuss 'this' any. Sometimes we don't want others to disagree because we don't know how to deal with our own disagreement.