With out knowing too much of your back ground it's a little hard to get to the root of this question to answer it in a way that is constructive. But, I'll disclose a bit of myself to you. I didn't masturbate until I was 14. When I discovered masturbation I began doing it frequently until it became a bit of a second nature thing (dirty habit). Masturbation is natural, and a lot of it isn't lust as much as it is release (which it sounds more like a release for you). However to control it I did practice celibacy to gain a little control and discipline over my own body.

These urges are natural and healthy however, maybe your faith suggests that it's a sin, or you may have a personal moral resistance to this. Which from the comment you made about crying and feeling loneliness that you may be resistant because of those feelings. So my advice to you regarding this matter are;

* Acknowledge these feelings.

* Accept that you feel them, and take a moment to think about why you feel these feelings.

* Decipher whether your masturbation is a needed release to alleviate bodily/ mental tension, or just fulfilling lustful desires which may be making you feel bad.

* If you want to stop masturbating, switch practices. Rather than practicing masturbation, find a healthy physical activity replacement. martial arts, Yoga, calisthenics, or a work out program that you can do which is permitable to you. And, all the things listed above are all just as free to do as masturbation, and the side effects are feeling good, getting in shape and feeling healthy.

Now one last thing I want to hit on the head. If you do choose to go down the route of sexual activity, please practice safe sex, with a trusted partner. Be responsible for you and your partner.

Oh, and don't listen to the guys that say they don't masturbate. I assure you they do, and women do too. Just as frequently as men do.