Thank you all so much. What great comments and ideas. I will definitely spend time thinking about these things. Also, after writing this several days ago...I realize that a lot of my conflict is my own depression and anxiety...and a touch of an obsessive/perfectionist personality. . I think I have the habit of judging myself and those close to much much too harshly...and feeling depressed whan life is not what I want it to be. this is my own healing work. In this case...I think that over the last several years, I vented to my friend all of my anxieties, grief, losses from the past...and it is so easy in a relationship to put all that angst on the person you are currently with. For example, you could not tell from my earlier post that my wife is fiercely loyal and honest, that she often makes changes that are important to me, that she knows so much about me and pays attention to details that I never can seem to do for her, she has worked out one of the more positive blended families that I've seen (I'm even friends with her ex..), and that she has the most addictive smile I've ever seen.

I know this adds to the situation....and part of my growth will be to take better care of my self...not immediately go to friends seeking support for the crisis of the minute...but sit on it and think..then seek support if needed. I am going to talk to my friend next week and let him know it is important to me that he accept my wife despite the things I vented to him, set a limit with him, but also own how I contributed to the situation. I have a sense that it is going to work out any way that it goes....

Thank you---