I hope this helps, but first a question. You indicated your outbursts don't have any longterm damage. Do you mean for yourself or for your wife? I would find it very wearing to have to listen to my spouse carrying on even if it were not directed at me.

It sounds to me like you need an outlet for your concerns. Have you looked for a group you might join just to talk? If there is none, could you found one?

I think we "owe" our loved ones respect at the very minimum and that we should not impose issues "that we cannot help" if the truth is that we really can, but we have chosen not to seek help for those issues.

In sickness and in health is part of what I think of as the traditional marriage vow; it is between the two of you to decide if it is/was part of yours.