Quote:
Originally Posted by purplemystery
Thanks, I think it will definitely be very helpful to think of everyone here going through a similar thing. I didn't end up talking to her today because something else more pressing came up. But I do think I will tell her next week.
However, this week I was acting very awkward after I told her last week that I needed to talk to her about something big soon because, by the details I gave last time, I am almost certain that she knows what it is. Maybe I was interpreting it wrong, but I felt like she was less welcoming today. She seemed less warm in the beginning, and I'm afraid this means that after I tell her, our relationship will be different. I'm worried that she will pull away so as not to encourage my feelings. But I guess it's a risk I have to take.
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Is there someone who rejected you in your past when you expressed your feelings to them? Perhaps your mom or some other important figure in your life?
Reason I ask is my mom was emotionally absent/neglectful/abusive and anytime I make myself vulnerable and express my feelings I feel like I'm about to die.
I have had one T that I dumped after seeing her for a few months because she had counter transference issues that had nothing to do with me (it's never anything to do with the client) and she got a little crazy on me.
Anyhow if your T is worth there salt they will not treat you coldly. I can understand taking any perceived signal and turning it into some form of rejection. I've envisioned it many times with my long time T and found out it was all in my head once I talked about it.
T's have bad days and may not be 'all there' during our appts on occasion and they are human just as we are and may not be 'all present' during an appt.
If you do open up to this T and things don't go well know it's because of them not you and the sooner you know the better so you can find a new T if this one doesn't work out.
Rooting for you!!!
PS - before you tell her your feelings you can tell her how afraid you are to share something with her for fear of rejection. I bet she will reassure you that she is there no matter what. - and if not then you can find someone who is worth your time and effort in your healing.