I do like the idea of you attending a support group regularly, to help you get some of these emotions out ~ rather than bottling them up inside of yourself. Perhaps you can also see a T every week or so as well.

I don't think that you should have to feel that you must repress all of the changes that you'd like to make. Maybe a couple of the changes can be worked out, with your wife, in a kind give/take manner. Discussing options like these with a T would be helpful, in my opinion. As they could give specific or vague directions on how you should bring this topic up with your wife...and you take it from there.

In the end, you are both very important to one another in your relationship with one another. The best way to improve your relationship is through honest communication ~ listening, and talking kindly (without attacking one another). It is not an easy pattern to begin, but it does become much easier to do the more often that you do it.

Best wishes to you both!