I've been thinking a lot about all the things xT had said to me... the one that is sticking in my mind was when he said with teary eyes (paraphased due to memory)"I know you just want to matter to somebody".... well I had a revelation today... I've been spending all this time trying to "matter to somebody" ... trying to figure out what is "wrong" with me that I don't deserve to matter.... I've been stuck...

today I realized that "I" may not matter but what I "do" matters... the care and feeding of my children, the running of my household, my full time job, providing an "outlet" for my recovering porn addict husband... those things matter...

So I better get out of my head and back to work "doing" things that matter. So my goal is to only "do" things that fit in those categories until I catch up on my messy disorganized house...