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Originally Posted by geez
Is there someone who rejected you in your past when you expressed your feelings to them? Perhaps your mom or some other important figure in your life?
Reason I ask is my mom was emotionally absent/neglectful/abusive and anytime I make myself vulnerable and express my feelings I feel like I'm about to die.
I have had one T that I dumped after seeing her for a few months because she had counter transference issues that had nothing to do with me (it's never anything to do with the client) and she got a little crazy on me.
Anyhow if your T is worth there salt they will not treat you coldly. I can understand taking any perceived signal and turning it into some form of rejection. I've envisioned it many times with my long time T and found out it was all in my head once I talked about it.
T's have bad days and may not be 'all there' during our appts on occasion and they are human just as we are and may not be 'all present' during an appt.
If you do open up to this T and things don't go well know it's because of them not you and the sooner you know the better so you can find a new T if this one doesn't work out.
Rooting for you!!! 
PS - before you tell her your feelings you can tell her how afraid you are to share something with her for fear of rejection. I bet she will reassure you that she is there no matter what. - and if not then you can find someone who is worth your time and effort in your healing. |
Sorry to hear about your mom.
Yes, I did have someone like that in my life- my dad sounds similar to your mother, though perhaps not quite as bad; he was also very harsh whenever I expressed my feelings, and ridiculed or criticized them. In my family, it was absolutely never safe to talk about feelings.
It is possible that I was inferring signals from her that weren't there. I think I tend to turn neutral looks into negative looks. It could have been all in my head, but in our last session it just felt suddenly as if I was nothing more than a client. Which of course, I
am nothing more. Again, nothing was probably different from before, and I just read into nothing. Or, like you said, maybe she just wasn't having a good day.
Thanks again for your support, I really appreciate it!!!
