You are right, hate is hard to overcome, and there are no rules as to how long it takes. I think that once you are able to forgive whatever the person did to cause you to hate them, the hate will go away.

That is something that has to occur within yourself. It really doesn't matter what other people think about your feelings or what you have said in the past. The feeling of hate will persist no matter what you do to cover it up, so you are the true barometer of that feeling.

Sometimes going over what happened in your head and trying to see it from the other person's viewpoint, it can help you understand why they did what they did. Hate is a very powerful emotion, and it gets heavier the longer it lasts. For years after my divorce, I hated my ex. That made me angry at myself for not letting the whole thing go, and it became a viscious cycle. Its only in the last year or so, (the divorce was in '98), that I've been able to start to come to terms with it and the hate has disapated. Its not an easy fix.
The fact that you realize your true feeings is a start. Don't worry about what others think. Go with your heart.

Sam2