I know the place youre in right now and it isnt pretty and i feel so sad for you.You ned to get help and get it right away,there is no point in saying you dont trust people b/c you do not seem to be able to get yourself out of this anytime soon,Go to your doctor and get yourself to a therapist asap,you will feel a little better as soon as you have made that little step.and remember that there is no stigma in depression.its a long and winding road ahead for you,there is no instant cure but at least each step is one inthe right direction b/c at the moment your wandering in the desert and that aint good for no one.If you take faith is alive's advise and find a church be sure to find the right one and not some waco cult type b/c i been there and done that to..Not good,,
Take care .
Barry