I was brought up to be a gentleman, manners and courtesy. We never talked about "feelings" growing up, being the middlish of the siblings, I found I was the one that everyone depended on, leant on and talked to. Whether this is the reason I find myself being an emotional person I don't know. I never really learned how to discuss me. So everything I did, focused on everyone else. All my feelings, what I wanted never got talked about. In relationships it was and is me that capitulates. If the mood doesn't strike, if it's Thursday, if the wind is blowing from the south, then it's me that changes my plans or change what I need.

There are days when I just want to SCREAM NO!!!!!!! But the way I was raised, the way I am tells me not to. Everything I feel, that I can't tell to anyone just stays inside, my head is full. I want to tell people what I want, what I need; but when I do the words never leave my mouth and nothing changes. I know I can't keep it inside, I know it has to come out, but where? How can I tell them what I want, when they need the opposite.