Hello,

So I have been struggling with symptoms that in some ways resemble DP and in other ways do not. I have been struggling for months now to figure out exactly what is going on with me because sometimes I feel completely lost and at times wish I could end it all. I feel like I am constantly battling myself in my own head, but I have no idea what I am battling myself about. I have developed this intense introspection in this time and I have basically become scared of myself and my own existence. I just can not get out of my own head no matter what I am doing. I have this strong pervasive sense that something is wrong with me and I feel like I am in self-destruct mode. I have become so hyperaware of my being, my thoughts, my overall consciousness, this has become my life. This has led inevitably to who am I type ruminations that carry on incessantly. Of course, as a result I have lost a certain extent of who I was prior to this. I have Pure-O OCD that in many ways has escalated greatly in recent years (I was kind of ignorant to this, but after my introspection, I realize just how pervasive it was) so I am inclined to hyperawareness already and sometimes I wonder if I have really been like this the whole time I just never took a hard look at it as I have now.

I DON'T have any strong sensations of unreality or feeling like I am lost in space and time as I see occurs so often with this condition. I never get any feelings of physical detachment I also still feel fairly integrated and I still do have some sense of who I am, it's just I feel so incredibly trapped in my own mind, and I tear myself apart mentally. I can't enjoy life the way I use to. I often wonder if this is just Pure-O gone completely out of control in conjunction with depression or if DP is really playing a role here. I have been working with my psychologist, but I feel he maybe a little confused about this himself, I'm not sure. Does anyone have any insights into this? I often tell myself this experience is unique to me because I have a hard time finding things people say that I can connect with. Please any insights would be helpful