I feel cr*** but work on feeling grateful. Im 43 and Ive feel that all the effort that Ive put in to caring for a mentally ill parent has come to naught. I dont blame her, as it was my own stupidity, naivety, I think Im feeling sorry for myself. Its taken its toll and I feel very weary, I dont consider myself as a martyr, I think I had dependency issues, I just wish I had been less needy and less compassionate, and less spiritual and then I would I have told her where to go, and lived, instead of existing. I shouldnt feel like this, but Im marvelling at my stupidity.