I feel like I am stuck. I just want to go to bed, sleep and wake up feeling better. My personal life is complicated to see the least. My professional life isn't much easier. The last 2 1/2yrs really took there toll on my mind and body. I don't do well with change, I like routine. I took a big step earlier and sent an email to a local dr., I don't know how I am going to talk with her, or what I will even talk about. I choose a female doc, because I can talk with women, I have never really been able to get close with men, with one exception.

I can't go on like this. Whatever it is that is wrong with me is affecting the one relationship I value above all others. I don't see what she see's in me. She tells me that she see's herself in me. I don't see me in her. I maybe see my alter-ego, the Hyde to my Jekyll. We are compatible on almost every level, with the only exception being that I have been known to be jealous (although in my defense, she was being flirted with in front of, and by people who knew she was in a relationship with me). We can talk with each other about anything, sit in silence, play games, the sex is phenomenal. We don't spend as much time together as I would like, and time alone together is even harder to come by. But I always put her needs and the needs of her son first. I know I am far from perfect, but this relationship fulfills me in ways that I didn't know I needed filled. Even after over three years, my heart still skips a beat when I see her or her son, when we kiss after being apart, my stomach flips. I need help, I need help because if I don't get it I will lose what I love.

My mood keeps changing, I can't keep my thoughts straight, the only company I want is hers, but she can't be here for me which really hurts. I am always there for here, but there are times when I need her to be there for me and she can't.