Can I not be loved? Do i do something that pushes people away from me? Am i really all that insignificant that i could drop off the face of the earth and it probably wouldn't do much? Thats what it keeps coming back to, and its the only thing that makes any sense at all. Every single relationship that i've ever had in my life that meant something to me is gone. Maybe not 100% completely, but surely not in the same way at all. The only person in my life that i trusted when she told me "not everyone is going to dissapoint you Jacq, not everyone will let you down" .... now has done that. Unconsciously maybe, but now that we're not together anymore, and this mother figure (the only real mother i've ever had) has slowely pushed me from her life. Sure distance is a factor, but it doesn't make things easier, and it doesnt make it any better for me while i'm sitting here crying. Nothing helps. There just has to be something wrong with me. some unlovable feature that i'm apparently unaware of. Whats the point anymore. Its easier to just not trust anyone, to not invest myself emotionally, than to give a little, and feel the downfall 10X harder. Somewhere along the way i've lost myself, and i'm having a hard time finding that "person" again. I'm so scared ..