Dr Clay

Thank you for your response.

I must say that tackling your extraordinary book is daunting. I perused over the chapters you mentioned to me and kept wanting to branch off into other areas.

It became evident that I have numerous issues to work on. I started to panic when I managed to tell myself that I have posted about ONE issue right now - and that I shall deal with JUST that issue for now. No matter how multi-faceted it is.

I am aware that I need to spend much time and energy focusing on my strengths and good characteristics. While my logic and intelligence can note them and agree, it is another matter entirely when I try to "feel" them. I cannot discern whether this is a learned behaviour or not. I will study some more though.

One thing that stood out very clearly to me, and that I am so relieved to know why I might do this, is that I indulge in self critical and self hurtful behaviour as a safety net, or as you mentioned "a way of reducing stress". If I have run myself down, then nobody else can. Or perhaps it won't hurt as much when they eventually do. Now I need to get out of this trap.

I am not hopeless about my present marriage as though it is "new", it is very happy. I am very blessed to have this second chance. But I do certainly extend my perfectionism into the home life of my marriage. Trying to keep the "perfect" home etc. Telling myself to "just lighten up" is often easier said than done.

Anyway, I have a lot of homework to do. Thank you so very much for this wonderful resource. I have never been excited about helping myself, until now.