i have three small children, two were born to one alter, the last to me. I look after all the three children regardless of me being their 'mother' or not. I love them and care for them. Another alter is their 'aunty', and spoils them. Another is the task master and has them clean up after themselves etc. No, its not a perfect world for my kids, for my family, but it is far from the damaging childhood I had. My kids are surviving, finding their way with me as I am with them.
Don't be so hard on yourself. Being a mum is hard for parents not struggling with mental or physical challenges. Just because you have challenges, doesn't mean you are not a good parent or wife. In my experience, its ppl who recognise that they have challenges that do the most to be their best. Go with AmandaLouise's suggestion and find some off line parenting classes in your area. I've done heaps of them, and still are going. The way I figure it, no matter 'who' turns up to the classes, at least we're getting some information to help our young family stay together.
Best wishes to you,
kp