Stand tall you are worth it! I agree with finding a good doctor and therapist will help you. You sound like a good person that has just had a real rough start in life, things can get better and so can you. Your kids need you and will love you no matter what. I am sure your husband does too. Getting help for yourself will not make things worse, if anything, they will be better. I wish you the best and I am sending positive vibes your way! Take care of yourself my friend.