I am sorry you are struggling so. Obviously the stress from your family is not helping. Are you seeing a mental-health professional now that you are out of the hospital? I recommend not only a psychiatrist but also a therapist. You definitely sound depressed, as you say.

You are not alone, because you do have us here. I know it's not the same as real life, but we do understand BP and are willing to be supportive. What can we do to help, dear one?