Quote:
Originally Posted by mala
I feel cr*** but work on feeling grateful. Im 43 and Ive feel that all the effort that Ive put in to caring for a mentally ill parent has come to naught. I dont blame her, as it was my own stupidity, naivety, I think Im feeling sorry for myself. Its taken its toll and I feel very weary, I dont consider myself as a martyr, I think I had dependency issues, I just wish I had been less needy and less compassionate, and less spiritual and then I would I have told her where to go, and lived, instead of existing. I shouldnt feel like this, but Im marvelling at my stupidity.
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I'm sorry you are feeling so low. I know how it feels to try to help someone and have it come to nothing. I also know how it feels to be used. It's not that you are stupid. For some reason many compassionate people lack the ability to see other peoples' motives. It's so much more difficult if the person is a relative because you feel so obligated to serve. It's also true that care giving can make you feel that you are a worthwhile person. And it IS true that what you have done DOES make you worthwhile. You sacrificed yourself for someone else's needs. Whether that registered with your Mom or not, you did it and that makes me feel respect for you.