I am feeling depressed; alone; shattered; dread in the pit of my stomach; a terrible sense of foreboding; worthless; pointless; useless; fearful and angry. My back and leg are also in intense pain.

Partner at work, I am so dependent on him for everything. It is scary feeling that dependency. Our relationship is so unhealthy and dysfunctional. It is a pity really because there was a time it was good…many moons ago.

Urges very high…paralysed with fear that I may have to go back into the Psych Ward.

As many of you know the only breaks in this stagnancy were those three awful events I attended, well, the one Saturday I kinda half attended…the latter half. They were a nightmare. I am disgusted, ashamed and guilty as to what I did.

Anyway, that is how I am feeling thus far. It is almost 1pm now, I do not have the energy to get out of bed. I am here isolated in this house all of the time, with the exception of attending those events…I regret attending. This is my life, one day rolls into the next.