I've been thinking today about how it's so easy to make assumptions... based on our histories of trauma ect, particularly from childhood...about how we're not wanted, don't belong anywhere at all... while in reality, most of the time, these assumptions are false. My depression is worse than ever and these negative voices are louder than ever, and fear.... endless bottomless fear. I suppose I should be on higher doses of meds rather than lower.... but I'm hoping (and I don't have much hope right now) that somehow this will get easier, that I should trust the doctors etc (although because of my history I don't have too much reason to trust them...).ok so I'm sorry for the rant. I don't want to bum people out who read and post here like I bummed someone who I thought was a good friend out a year or so ago. My bpd kicked in and I was a needy brat But my friend was so so so angry. (no one who has ever been on pc).. she did forgive me, straight away when I apologized. But since then I've been even deeper in my cave and very rarely let anyone get close..... even less than before. few people irl even want to get close to me, (I look a mess these days ) and I guess I don't blame them. I wish I really was a bear.

I could write more... I won't though... and hopefully will go back to only posting hugs.
My bed is calling me, even that doesnt feel safe any more

feeling like deleting this