Shelly, I think YOUare driving yourself crazy. My brother died last year and I went off the rails, but that was all part of grieving, I was in denial, and I never shed a tear. Then, a person to whom I thought was a friend was telling my sis that I had gone mad and that I never shed a tear for my brother. another said didnt you love him? I felt like smacking her in the face. Everybody reacts differently to a bereavement. For a long time i pretended he was at home and acted like he wasnt dead. Some people love to have a LOOK at how you are, I agree. In time, you know who helped you when your husband died. They may have made you a coffee, or went to get groceries for you. Something practical for you rather than sitting there looking at your next crazy move.I'm sorry I cant be of more help to you. I wish you all the best. A person can grieve for years and thats a very personal thing. Best wishes I hope you get some peace.