Hi all,

Having a really hard day and time with coping around people at work and out and about. I feel as though I want to socialize with co workers and old friends, but I get too fustrated and scarred to even strike up a conversation.My past friendship have been ruined by my stupid actions and my mental behavior.I cant even come to grips on how how I feel inside the saddness and confusion I have caused people I was supposed to be there for in my life for support.

I feel as though I dont deserve to interact with people I once enjoyed there company because I feel as though I will hurt them all with my actions and my emotions.Its hard enough to even be around people with this feeling of anxiety,confusion, and saddness.I fustrastes me I can just sit down and just vent to a good friend or even a good co worker my emotions I am facing today.

Its like all my feeling are bottled up and its getting me very angry and sad to deal with it all by myself.Its a real struggle now to let go and release this energy.

I did at one time had a support system to make it thru these times, but I hurt them too much that I dont ever think I can ever get that kind of help I used to have.It saddens me everytime I think of it and I go into shut down mode. I a constant battle keeping my emotions inside and not realising them all over the place.

I dont know if I will blow up and unleash anger or saddness, depends on whats going on at that given moment I guess.