Sorry but I need a place to let go some worries and fears Before Christmas I had my smear. Early because my mother had cervical cancer a little younger than I am now and I was told my chances were higher for getting it because of that.

My test came back with moderate abnormalities and I was referred for a colposcopy. Needless to say I did my research and finding out that this meant I only had a moderate amount of pre-cancerous cells and breathed a sigh of relief...and then breathed more when I found out it generally takes years to get to the next stage and even more time to get to the final stage of the big C! So not a worry in my head I go to my colposcopy and the results are inconclusive, they can find...NOTHING! So I have to go back three months later and this time they take a sample as they find something... That was a month ago. I got my results in the post today.

In a matter of less than half a year I've gone from being moderate to high grade. And i'm consequently booked in for a large loop excision a week saturday and I'm now terrified out of my gourd and afraid to show it because if I do then I'm going to break down and I'm in the middle of trying to finish my final year of my undergraduate degree...This is the time I'm supposed to be writing my dissertation...that's gone out the window, add in my other medical problems which cause me no small amount of chronic pain, the high levels of depression, anxiety and panic I have generally and... I'm fighting very hard not to become a wibbling bag of jelly right now!