There have been a lot of changes in my life recently with the start of the new school year and it's leaving me confused and not really sure what to feel.

The biggest change is the absence of my ex-coworker, J. For the last year I knew that I would spend every Tuesday, Thursday and Friday at school with him and we could talk and hang out (oh and teach some English). I don't have a lot of friends (I'm codependent, borderline, and have abandonment issues so I basically fail at keeping anyone in my life) so having him there as a constant was really amazing. But now I don't know what to make of our relationship.

I tend to see him as the closest relationship in my life because last year I spent more time with him than with anyone else (only at work though, we never hung out outside of work), and also because I feel like he understands me better than any of my other friends. He's a mature and giving person so he treats me better than a lot of my other friends who are a little bit emotionally disturbed. But now with this separation I'm starting to question a lot of things.

He still texts me everyday which makes me happy because I don't have anyone else who contacts me that often. But maybe he's just a person who likes texting and he texts all his friends every day? And come to think of it we mostly talk about work... My standards for what makes a close relationship are quite different from "normal" people's standards I think. Maybe what I see as a close relationship he sees as a casual work friend?

I want to try and invite him to hang out outside of work, but I'm not sure how to approach it. I don't want to scare him off. He kind of keeps me at arms' length sometimes because I scared him badly with my borderline stuff once before. :/

I guess I just have a strong desire to feel important to someone, stemming from my abandonment issues I guess.