Well I guess our history is kind of shaky. Last summer we got really close and I really thought we were going to start dating, but in the end he told me we should just stay friends. I think my issues worried him, and he didn't want to get into anything serious. Being rejected made me crazy of course. I would call him all the time with crises. It wasn't a conscious effort to be manipulative, but a friend pointed out later that I was creating crises so I'd have an excuse to call him. Then he dated a Japanese girl for a few months and I would send him a bunch of "hot and cold" texts, ie one minute saying what a great guy he is and how lucky that girl is, then the next minute saying how terrible I feel that he abandoned me. I've been doing a lot better lately and I think he knows that. But he's a really important person in my mind because he made me feel special and for most of my life I haven't felt special to anyone, not to my emotionally distant parents as a child, no close friends or lovers as an adult. His approval and attention is really important for me I guess. Maybe this is me replaying my efforts to earn my parents' love... In any case he is a good friend and treats me better than a lot of friends I've had recently. My therapist (before he quit last month) said that I should try and keep J as a friend and not start pushing him away when I feel "rejected." So I guess I'll try and ask him to get dinner sometime?