I don't know why some women-me included- are attracted to abusive people---even friends can be abusive. For myself I am trying to connect with people who might need some support. Children or people on these forums. Thinking about others helps you not think about yourself. Plus you get to meet nice people who understand what you are going through. Just take a break from relationships and try to find other things you might like. And, I like the advice Sam2 gave you.
Good luck