you said you just wanted to know what its like to be with a man but all this thread is doing for you, even though people are trying to help you see the reality of your thinking this way, is encouraging you to obsess about him in unhealthy ways. this is not healthy dreaming. but it doesnt really matter what people say, you don't want to know what is healthy, you just want to obsess because you are addicted to what you feel when you think about him. it has nothing whatsoever to do with him. in a fantasy world that you want to lose yourself in, its easier this way than facing reality - for that you need professional help in order to have a healthy relationship because of where you are going in your own head. if only your parents could see what is happening to you...maybe they could get you some help.