The last couple weeks have been pretty miserable for me. Nothing is really wrong in my life, but I feel worthless and I am losing hope of being happy. I have been going to therapy and marriage counseling and my T advice is to talk to my wife about what I am feeling. I try doing that and sometimes it helps. I am worried she will get tired of hearing it and she will just give up on me. I feel so uselss. It hard to think and I feel exhausted. The meds give me sleeping problems and my doctor gave me some meds to help that too, but I am affraid to take it. The med she gave me is another antidepressent (trazodone). It is supposed to have a calming sedative effect. I am weary to take an antidepressant randomly for sleep. I didn't fall asleep until around 430 last night and I woke up at 7.

I am worried that my wife will get tired if hearing all the crap about how bad I feel. I feel like a black cloud of misery at the moment. I think about hurting myself too much, and I'm not sure why. It's nothing new and I couldn't do that to my wife. I just feel miserable and unable to cope with it at the moment. I just want to go home and sleep.

I was looking at my insurance and my current T isn't part of my health network. I can't afford to see her. It would he 500 a month out of my own pocket and I can't afford that at moment. My doctor also said she didn't want go keep changing my meds and is reccomending me to a psychiatrist. I feel angry at her and I don't want to have to deal with it. I just want to give up.