Hello,

I feel this forum is an appropriate place to vent about what is happening to me. I've been separated for over a year. My husband and I have never stopped contact, since he is a very big part of my life. However, I dated some people throughout this time. The last one really shook my world. He seemed to be all I wanted in a partner, and I have to be honest, had some of my husband's positive traits (I don't know how to call him at this point, since we are not divorced).

The relationship with this last guy went down south really fast. Once I got insecure about the seriousness of the relationship and started acting out based on that fear, he dropped it. We didnt' contact each other for a month, but then he started reaching out to me again (through facebook, even though I deleted him from it)...to make a long story short, what started as a strong connection with him being extremely (sometimes overly) attentive to me, respectful, and very interested in me as a person, turned into a purely physical thing that was going on and off for almost a year. We stopped talking about 3 weeks ago because the different "trys" didn't seem to work at all. He always told me I wasn't easy to understand, and that he was trying to figure me out. However, he was very secretive after our first try and became hot and cold. He only used texting to communicate and never took ownership for anything. We are both 38 year-old adults! . This situation left me worse than how I felt when I separated from my husband. Now, I'm heartbroken.

My husband and I continue seeing each other. I feel he still loves me and I think so do I, but I'm very confused about how I felt dating these other guys, and specifically the last one. I've been depressed, and have even had suicidal thoughts. I'm on medication now for it, and continue seeing my therapist. I train at the gym, see my friends, go to church, but it is still hard for me to let go of the feelings I developed for the last person I dated. I don't know what to do. I've been feeling hopeless. I feel like that guy rejected me for not being clear with myself, but I also know there were red flags in him in terms of his self-confidence and staying power. I still think of him and miss him. I want to understand what this was about. I want to move on and want to believe that I won't have to settle with my husband just because I feel nobody else will like me the way I am. My husband is a good man and he's also confused about his feelings for me.

Trying to get some light....