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drclay said:
Describe your problem to us again using the five parts that are involved in almost any problem. When some people do that let's see if the problem becomes more clearly described and see if it might become easier to find ways to deal with the problem. Do we have any volunteers?

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My try at the Five Parts of every Problem....

1.) The problem is that I often stay in the safety of my home for I do not like seeing Young Beautiful Sexy Looking Females.

2.) I cannot deal with the physical response of my mind and body (my personal death wish) when I am in the presence of a Young Beautiful Sexy Female..... for I FEAR that my husband will see her, and that he will want her over me - find her more to his liking than I am.

3.) The skills I may need:

* Redirecting my visual attention else where.
* Locate new founded self-esteem and be able to like Me - as I am, age and all.
* Being secure in knowing that my husband love me and wants me only (this is a hard one - due to past wounds created by my husbands once porn use over me).

4.) My mental process is much the same as it has been for the last 10 years....

I start out by having anxiety over the mere thought of going out in public - over what my husband will see (might lust over) if we go out together, then my emotions turn to FEAR (of not being wanted or loved, being replaced by someone younger, prettier, sexier) - and I know that I will have to deal with the resonations of him/me seeing HER when I get home and I FEAR the out come, for I am occasionally left with feeling as though death would be better than living with this problem.
....... I HATE to CRY while out in PUBLIC!!

I often self talk to myself saying:

* You know that SHE is what he really wants, for he is MAN.
* You are nothing if you are not young & sexy any more..... for all men want SEXY.
* You are getting old therefore You are not any good.... Your Looks Have Failed You as a Woman.

I EXPECT my Husband too:

* Control his lustful eyes and mind while with me (and when out in public by him self)
* To honor the vows he made to me/us 20 years ago..... He agreed to forsake all others for ME.

5.) The unconscious forces that may contribute to my troubles:

* My own father left me (and the entire family) when I was just one years old - for the babysitter, a much Younger and Sexier Female than my mother.
* Between the age of 2 to 12 I was sexually molested by 4 different men - all because they did not control their eyes (porn usage), mind or male desires.
* The only time I really felt wanted was when I was YOUNG and looking SEXY - all the girls wanted to be my friend and all the boys wanted me as their girlfriend, and I often got out of trouble in school because I was one of the PRETTY girls.
* Being raped in unspeakable ways as an adult, and all in the name of male pleasure.
* My husband own 10 year struggle with porn and him wanting what eyes saw over me, and while this is all in the past now (3 yrs now) I know he still struggles for he is male and I am still haunted by the emotional damage left over in me.

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Now What? - I know all the answers - I just don't know how to STOP it from still effecting ME?

* * * * * * * * * * *

LoVe,
Rhapsody -