I do not think that finding a T is your next step. You report clearcut symptoms of racing thoughts, which are most likely from bipolar, although they can also come from other causes, see Racing thoughts - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia.

"My thoughts race so fast i am unable to process them. I cant tell people "what im thinking" because many times i cant remember. and when i think about one idea..it causes a chain reaction like bombs explodeing in my mind. example; "apple"; "fruit";"food";"dinner";"what to make"; "Money"; ..becomes me.. confused, scatterd, unfocused, overwhelmed, unsure, ...lost in a million unfinished thought that are SPEEDING so fast i end up haveing full blow anxiety attack."

If that is the case, you need an MD p-doc and, most likely, medication.

Therapy might still be used, in conjunction with medication. Both together would probably be your best bet.

None of that is your fault, and you deserve to feel better for your own sake, apart from the sake of your family.