Having a rough patch and hoping just writing and post will help get through the moment.
After another two years of trying again i am separated from my familly again.
My kids 13 and 16, are struggling and walking their own path.

They see to leave no real room for me in their lives. Avoiding contact and conversation after a period of warming up to me. We seem close for a while then they pull away. It usually happens after my wife and i have an issue that causes a heated situation. My wife and i always work through it and get along again but the damage to the kids is done and they pull away.They hear the words and see the pain Mom goes through and I am usually the blame/problem.
I talk to them but even though they listen and say they understand, the silent treatment starts as they deal with their emotions.
Its a roller coaster relationship for all of us.
If i'm on facebook i see they are online and hope they take the first step but it is always me, then answers are short as are the conversions. Even face to face the undercurrents and eye avoidance hurts.
The guilt can get overwhelming as can the hurt and even anger at the helplessness. I know they are protecting themselves from more pain but it seems they are also disgusted and want to make me feel worthless, like i don't deserve to be in their lives.
I do love them. I just grow tired of the hurt game we all seem to play.
I feel torn between trying to be strong and work on learning coping stratagies and just giving up on trying at all. Pain and failure...... I dont like the downside of being human.