I've been so BORED lately and have also been feeling isolated.. I wish I had more friends to take up my time but I'll probably need an alternative to friendship since it's so hard to come by.

I wish I had a hobby, something that I'm passionate about but I'm not really interested in anything.. I've lost interest in music, I don't take the time to download anything and I've even come to dislike some of what I used to like for stupid reasons. I used to have dreams of becoming a filmmaker but have given up on that completely.. I just don't have what it takes, I'm nowhere near as fearless and confident-(blindly arrogant) as I used to be.. I guess I used to lie to myself, but not anymore. Nothing sounds appealing to me.. not photography or singing or going to see live music or making friends.

I'm worried about my future.. I'm going to school so I can get a job and support myself, I'm supposed to go into graphic design but I'm not if I want to do it or if I can even grasp it.. I really don't think I'm smart or motivated enough to really do much of anything and I'm starting to think maybe I should just stick to menial work but I don't even feel competent/sane enough to do that.. and also I've always wanted to do MORE with my life and have a job I like but I just don't care.

All I've been doing is watching TV and sleeping. I've barely kept up with school.. dropped all but one class and am barely keeping up with that and not really applying myself as I should.. I had a 5 page paper to write but only wrote 3 pages and didn't bother to include sources or anything, I just did the bare minimum in hopes I'll get a c in the class because my first 2 papers were better.

I just hate being in this funk.. I want to care about something, someone, myself.. but I don't. Therapy doesn't really anything for me and the meds only help so much. I'm tired of this. I wish there was more to my life.. everything seems so empty and stupid.

Sorry for that long rant.