I can relate to what you're saying here. I decided a long time ago that I refuse to think like this and vowed to be (at the least!) a pain in the ***. Otherwise, i was going to live my life to the best of my ability f#$% the rest!

It's been a long journey, yet, here I am and although today is a sucky day for me, I am grateful to be alive, grateful that I can walk and talk without difficulty, grateful that I can see so I can read the books I so love, grateful that I have a job to make money, grateful that I stuck it out and paid off my bankruptcy and installment plan, etc.

This is your life, make the best of it. You owe that to yourself.