Oh,

It is 11 am and I am thinking if I should call my PDOC.

My childhood and best friend came over yesterday, not announced. This was the first time since Jason died. I was a mess, in PJ's with my hair all messy. The house is a disaster.

I am so depressed I just could not really talk to her.

After she left it was my worse time of day (for some reason I have not figured out). I thought my husband will be home in a few hours. He will go sit in the sun room have his three fingers of scotch, ask me what is for dinner. Yell at me because I have no idea.

The rest of the night he will sit out there and I will sit in the living room. Then I will go to bed.

Around 3:00 pm I took 100 mg seroquel, 6 mg of Ativan, 100 mg of Benadryl. An a small overdose of my high blood pressure med, cattapres. I take one at dinner, I took 8. I went to bed. I pretty much knew 8 would not kill me. But I did not care if it did. I really do not know why I did not take the whole bottle.

You guys are the first to know this. PLease don't call the police.
I am thinking about calling my PDOC and telling him. But in all honesty, I don't think he will care. I have no desire to get dressed and go to the ER. If my husband finds out he will be pissed off, I think.

I am not a hot weather person, it is going to be 87 today. Last week it was in the 40's.

I just want to cry and cry.