Money isn't the issue. I am going to the doctors, I can't help the things that I feel. I agree with the brutal honesty that you have said (thank you ), but it doesn't stop my feelings. I know it is irrational (as my friend says) thinking, but I can't STOP this thinking. My mind is this autobahn of thoughts. While I was talking with my friend last night, at her "request", I mentioned this, the thinking. All day I was worried about what I was going to say, should I filter my words and thoughts, does she need to know everything, can i skip over things that might upset her. But I was told I can't, I was told I need to be honest if any type of help is going to work. And I upset her. I unloaded a lot on her, I know I should of limited what I told her, but I couldn't. Once I started, I just couldn't stop myself. It was so hard for me to even begin talking, and I was scared that if I stopped then I wouldn't start again. Another thing that upset her was my sex drive, after we had finished talking (me talking, her listening and offering help and advice), I asked if we could meet up and get some relief. This really upset her. This is the reason I don't ask for things, because when I ask it upsets people, whether it be for some sex, help, time alone, time, or just privacy I always upset someone. My appointment with the doctor can't come soon enough, while the appointment is still over 5 weeks away, I keep phoning and ask if there is any earlier openings.

Let me ask this, would it be easier if when asked how I am feeling i just blow it off and say fine with no follow up, never ask for anything, or should I take the harder path, be honest when asked and filter what I tell people, even if it means everyone gets told something different? All I want is understanding. To have my needs understood.I can't help that I have a high sex drive, yet denying me feels like a punishment, and the voices that inner monologue REALLY doesn't help.