You know that feeling how when you've lost something really important to you, and so now there's this big empty space. And you try and try to repair it and fill it in. But, nothing really fits right. Like putting the star block meant for the hole where the circle goes. It fits, but there are still gaps.

Then, you know, you get frustrated and you tell yourself it's not logical to try to fill in the hole with something else. And the thing that was there is gone, so you just have to deal with it or something.

I don't know how to deal with things like this very well or how to repair them. The big holes, I don't know how to fix them, and people say "time heals" but it only sort of does for me. I have wounds still that are 20 years old, how much time is it exactly until it heals? I have some big holes. Now I have this other big hole and I don't know what to do about it.

I know things have to change but I'm not good at that. I don't want change. I liked how things were before. I know that's not going to come back. So, I don't know how to fix this so I can move forward.

I'm stuck.