Depression is indeed cruel and unfortunately it doesn't need are reason to suck the will to live out of someone. The self harm is a way to cope with the overwhelming despair, and replace it with numbness. The only problem is that the feelings of despair return and you want to hurt yourself more and worse. Your not alone, and your not a psycho for what you are doing. You are just trying to cope the best way you know. Have you considered medications or therapy? I found it a lot easier to talk to a therapist than just a normal person. The first thing is they are bound to confidentiality. And the second is they usual get why you are doing it and have better ways to cope. Keep posting and I hope talking hear makes things better for you.