Your pdoc hasn't been there for you recently. Do you have a GP you could call instead? Maybe get a referal or something, I don't know. You need even just one person to be there for you for real.

You need a support system right now. And, you're not getting it from the people you depend on most. I wish I could just send you a dozen angels right now to take care of you until you're through this darkest time.

Please stay safe, Speed. I know you think right now you have no purpose. But, I think you do. Our purpose isn't always clear, especially in the midst of tragedy. I always asked "Why was I put here with a mom who was going to leave me, when I needed her so much?" I still don't have that answer 20 years later. But, perhaps I won't know until after it's completed and I move to the afterworld. And, I think that's true for everyone.

It's not fair that you lost Jason. It's not. And, it's okay to be in pain. It's okay to grieve. This may just be a forum, but we're here for you. Be safe.