Quote:
Originally Posted by neurotic johnnie
why I are my relationships "fear based"? That is, not that i instill fear into my partner, but that I make decisions based on my fears and insecurities. For example, with my girlfriend, everyone asks me how it's going with her, to which i reply, in truth, wonderful. She is the girl of my dreams. Young, blonde, no kids, smart, college educated. But i get so pissed off everytime some stupid guy checks her out at the store, flirts with her at the restaurants, or the neighbor kids "visually undress" her. Am I being insecure or overly sensitive? f. I can see the downward spiral of me becoming controlling, manipulating, and mean based on making these decisions based out of fear. For example, if she gets gawked at, I get pissed of at her and take it out on her. That is not healthy! Ideas? Comments? Insults? HELP!
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Good on you for realising that you have a problem here. Now you've got to try and conquer these unhealthy feelings and reactions.
First of all, why do you think that the neighbour kids "visually undress her"? So what if someone looks at her? Do they actually stare her up and down with a lecherous expression.. or do they give her a cursory glance? I bet if your honest, its the latter and your choice of words/way you see is extreme. So yes, it's most certainly down to you being insecure and less about being sensitive.
Try therapy. Do anything you can to get these negative feelings under control before they take over. Get some of your own confidence before you drive her away. She isn't your property, she is someone who you are lucky to be with, and who is lucky to be with you. All these negative feelings and actions will not stop her leaving you, they will make her leave you quicker and this is what I suspect is behind your actions. You do not have the confidence to trust her.
I've said this before on here, that the best way to help the situation is to make yourself as caring, fun and as lovely as you can be, then they will probably not want to leave you. It's all you can do.