I think talking about what is bothering you here will help. You were out through some awful things that no one should have to endure. I'm glad you got out of your abusive relationship. No one deserves to be out through that and I hope one day you realise you deserve better. Depression can make us feel like we are worthless and deserve to be in suffering and misery, but it is a self created delusion. You deserve to be treated with kindess and compassion and in a supportive relationship. I would reccomend therapy if you can afford it. I think if you found better ways to manage you depression and self esteem you would be more capable to go back to school. Keep posting here is it helps. I find it useful for me to get things out to a supportive and understanding group of people.