Change is hard, yes.
I would love so much to rid this depession.
But is the change worth it?

Because everything that I am seems to stem from this depression. All of my personality traits. All of my hobbies.

I dont know whether they'd stay with me if I lost my depression. Perhaps they would. But the risk that I'd lose them is just too high.

If one of your friends changed completely, their personality, their hobbies, their attitude towards everything, would you still want to be friends with them?

And that is why I feel I cannot get better. It's too much to lose.
I've lost my love for myself, I cannot lose my love for my friends.