I am so pissed off right now. Trying to get ahold of pdoc and they keep shovling me around to one person or the next and that they might not be able to contact me until tomorrow. What good that does.

The agency that my pdoc is with doesn't deal with DID, just PTSD. I have been with my T for over 4 years and the same with the support group. My life is caving in.

The agency doesn't have T's that specialize or really deal with DID. I don't want a therapist that doesn't really deal with it let alone understand it. I've been to way too many before in the past. I need help and cannot get it anywhere. I want my pdoc to change my Klonopin to Xanax. She gave me the Xanax to take when I was going to the gyno. It works so much better than the Klonopin. Right now I need something to help calm me down. I asked my casemanager if I could take one since I have a few left to try to calm down. She tells me that she cannot tell me what to do that I could call back and speak to a nurse there. I have only spoken to this casemanager a couple times. The agency doesn't do me any help what so ever. They don't prescribe any type of medication to sleep except Anti-pychotic meds. Those don't help. pdoc wants to send me for a sleep study, but now have to find a new general doc since I ain't going to the old one. pdoc says that my sleeping is due to PTSD. Duh......T's with the agency doesn't help with anything really. They don't deal with DID and the horrible past that I have been through. They keep saying that these things didn't happen to me that I am schizophrenic whenever I try to talk about my past. Is it a crime to want to heal from my past, to need someone to talk to about it, to get acknowledgement that I am going through h*ll right now?!!!!! My T that I have had for over 4 years is a great T, but I can't continue seeing her because I cannot pay for it. I don't have any extra money. I don't have money to pay things all myself. I live on very limited amount of income. I make only $603 a month on SSI and rent is over half that. I have to turn off my phone and my internet because I can't pay for it. So losing my T, losing the support group, not being able to get support from my online friends, not being able to call someone when I need to reach out is going to do me in. Sometime the beginning of November I will be turning off the internet and phone. No other choice. Foodstamps got cut off because of a new rule for them and still don't understand it. I appealed it, but now has been denied even on the appeal. Won't be able to have any communication with my gyno to find out more of the testing and stuff that needs to be done because the one dr said it was cancer cells and this gyno has to do more testing because she didn't get enough tissue sample to know for sure or not. Health sucks, emotions everywhere, past haunting me, losing everyone in my life, in so much pain, sinking in quick sand and can't get help for it. I don't know what to do. My few friends I have that I talk to on the phone doesn't want to talk to me because I'm falling apart. I just wished I had someone who cared, understood, and wanted to be my friend. I need support and can't get it. How can I get help when I am asking for it and people keep putting me off. I want this to end. I want the pain to end. Not saying I'm SI thoughts. Just want the suffering to end............................UGH!!!!!!!!!!!