Is that what you really want? IF you were able to feel ok with getting out there, would that be ok? If you find a T that enables you to do that, wouldn't you like that, because then you wouldn't feel worse for trying? Now, if you really would like to be OK with "getting out there" why would you want to tie your T's hands and prevent him/her from helping you.

Why do you want a T if you won't let him help? (Rhetorical question.)

I'm sorry you are feeling so disappointed and hopeless. You can have a quiet life without becoming a recluse imo.