Hi, it's nice to meet you I hope you are getting some counseling with your diagnosis.
I'm not qualified to diagnose but it sounds like you have some elements of OCD and BPD fear of abandonment. And a lot of anxiety. It isn't unusual to have a bit of this and a bit of that under an umbrella diagnosis of major depression. You aren't cursed. I can tell you that And the only one who could be punishing you is you yourself. I hope you can talk about this thing that happened that causes you such distress.